There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor
Charlie Brown: Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet. Violet: I didn't send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown: Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
You can't jerk me around when it comes to Santa Claus, Brian! There is a Ferris wheel here, and a guy hosing vomit! Nobody vomits at the North Pole, except for Santa's wife because she has an eating disorder. Yeah, 'cause he can have anyone he wants, and she knows that!
This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat an entire roll of Toll House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we'll snuggle!