Quotes About Humor

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A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Mitch Hedberg

Man, you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?" "Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been

James Patterson

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

H.L. Mencken

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

Lemony Snicket

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Robert Benchley

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

Terry Pratchett

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

Groucho Marx