There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled.
Socks are Dobby's favorite, favorite clothes, sir! I has seven now, sir. . . . But sir ...they has made a mistake in the shop, Harry Potter, they is giving you two the same!
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
I don't mind at all any of the jokes or remarks about age, because Thomas Jefferson made a comment about the Presidency and age. He said that one should not worry about one's exact chronological age in reference to his ability to perform one's task. And ever since he told me that I stopped worrying...
Jimmy: They're laughing at us. Chazz: Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read a book of quotations.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. The horrible are the cancer patients and the terminal cases... the miserable is everyone else. So, be thankful that you're miserable.