Quotes About Funny

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Groucho Marx

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Mark Twain

Roy: [singing] We don't need no education. Moss: Yes you do; you've just used a double negative.

Maurice Moss

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Joan Crawford

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.

Homer Simpson

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Mitch Hedberg

When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

Frankie Boyle

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. "Sort of." It's just a filler. "Sort of"—it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, "sort of" means everything. Like after, "I love you." Or, "You're going to live." Or, "It's a boy!"

Demetri Martin

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Joan Rivers

Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Roy Trenneman