That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?