It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.
It's not because I want to make out with her." Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.