I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
I realize everyone is telling you social media is a unicorn, but maybe it's just a horse?
I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super-social media site - YouTwitFace.
Expectations and entitlements don't cost a thing except for those who enable it.
Sperm is like lending someone less than a fiver. You can't really ask for it back
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Ten percent of nothin' is... let me do the math here... nothin' into nothin'... carry the nothin'...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.