I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f*ck's really goin' on down there? Who is the real hero?
On a stop light green means go, red means stop and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means "hold on", yellow means "go ahead", and red means "where the f*ck did you get that banana at?"
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If you find yourself lost in the woods, f**k it, build a house. "Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!"
When I wear t-shirts I can only wear v-necks because my neck is very fragile. I cannot wear regular neck shirts, it hurts. And I especially hate turtle necks. Like, wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled - by a really weak guy - all damn day. If you wear a turtle neck and a backpack, its like a weak midget trying to bring you down.